How to deal with loss (I don't know)

I wish there was a tutorial somewhere on how to deal with loss. There isn't one (yes, I Googled).

It's such a touchy subject for so many people.

Honestly, for the longest time I always felt super awkward, when someone told me a family member or someone they know died. You really never know what to say to that other than "my condolences" or "sorry for your loss, let me know if I can do anything for you".

I was always terrified that I would lose someone, and not know how to deal with it.

And it happened.

And there is no recipe on how to cure this sorrow.

It has been over a year since my husband died. And I wish I could tell you that it gets better - it is not necessarily true. I still get fucking emotional from the most random things, I don't even have to see a picture - even smelling something familiar or remembering random stuff like going to a grocery store together makes me burst out in tears. My heart is forever broken.

Our story is a sad one - sad but beautiful at the same time. Our hard times are what makes this love story such a beautiful struggle. I believe that there is beauty in pain, too, and that is exactly what this was about.


I wrote this poem, and it's called

Why

Smile at me from the other side of the grave
Like a mirror reflecting the darkness of my empty heart
All those million times we prayed
Yet we still remained thousands of worlds apart

I wish I was in your warm embrace
Like light brushing on the leaves of spring
But only in my dreams can I see your face
And only can I imagine the smell of your skin...
Burberry and cigarettes - like the story of our love
Sweet but deadly

I wish your were and not as a pretty golden urn of ashes
Sitting in the window looking at people waiting for the tram